


Assumptions

by Dumb_Scotticus



Series: Vineslash Minific [2]
Category: Vinesauce (Video Blogging RPF)
Genre: Denial of Sexuality, Dialogue-Only, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format, fake stream transcripts, joel's dad is mentioned but i wont put that as a character LOL, rated T but its nothing that wouldn't come up in a regular stream, theoretical blowjobs, vinnoel implied heavily but not explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 12:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20507174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dumb_Scotticus/pseuds/Dumb_Scotticus
Summary: Two transcripts of stories told during streams, both of which include someone assuming (at least) one of them is gay.





	1. Joel's Story

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: This fic is about fictionalized versions of the public personas of real people. I do not ship the real versions of them, nor do I want them to get together. I make no claim that this represents them accurately or truthfully. I do not know how these real people behave in private, and therefore could not write them as real people. As such, this is about fictional versions of people. Imagine an actor playing themself in a movie. Or like Adam West in all the shit he’s played himself in. This fic is about exaggerated and flanderized versions of people who I know essentially nothing about. I do not care what the real Vinesauce folks do in private, and this fic is, once again, not representative of them or their real lives.  
That being said, please enjoy, and if you are hate-reading this, please practice healthier life choices and self care.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel takes his dad out for dinner. Things get uncomfortable.

JOEL: So, I have another story about my dad. Yesterday, we uh, we went out for dinner. I went out for dinner with my dad, I was like, showing how much of an adult I am and I was gonna pay for both our dinners and shit, and how my job is legitimate and whatever the fuck.

JOEL: So anyway, we get there, and he starts asking about my streams. So I tell him, y’know, I tell him “Oh yeah my streams are still goin’ fine, I’ve made a lot of good friends in the Vinesauce community,” stuff like that.

JOEL: So then he's like, “Like who?” So I start talkin' about like Rev and Vinny and Ima and shit, and like, y'know, it’s whatever; I'm telling him some stories about streams, and I start uh, start reminiscing about how I first started watching Vinny's streams. Talkin’ about the really old ones and when Vinny first asked me to guest stream and shit. 

JOEL: And he— My dad kinda, he kinda leans back in his chair as I'm telling him this, and I'm kinda confused, but I keep tellin’ the story, and, y'know, finally...  _ [Joel snorts a laugh.]  _ Finally I ask him “Hey,” y'know, “What’s up with the face you're makin' at me?” 

JOEL: And he just... Sits up straight, and he sighs, like, really dramatically, and he just fuckin' looks me dead in the god damn eyes and he goes: _“Joel, I want you to know—”_ _[Joel laughs.]_ _"—I want you to know that I'm supportive of you no matter what, Joel."_

JOEL: So I'm sitting there like  _ what the fuck does he mean by that? like is he talking about my career choice being kinda different or odd or whatever or is he talking about me having so many friends over the internet, or what _ ? So I kind of look at him for a second and I go “Dad... D-Dad what do you mean?” 

JOEL: And he leans across the table and puts a hand on my shoulder and goes  _ “Just know that I will always support you in whatever choices you make, be it odd or strange, and you can always come to me and tell me anything, Joel.” _ So I look at him, and I'm thinking  _ no, no fuckin' way, is he—? _ And I don't wanna, like, flat out ask him if he thinks I'm… Y’know,  _ gay _ , but I'm also sitting there like what the absolute fuck did I say to make him think that I'm—  _ [Joel chuckles sheepishly.] _ That I’m gay?

JOEL: So I’m, like, thinking, and I'm not saying anything for a little bit, and he just keeps staring me down, and I'm starting to get kind of nervous, and its stupid because, like… It’s my fuckin'  _ dad _ , but also, I mean, I'm not gay, I’ve— I’ve had girlfriends— I mean, fuck,  _ he's met them! _ And he just says “You don't have to tell me right now, but if you ever need to confide in someone about something, ANYTHING, I'm here for you, Joel.” 

JOEL:  _ [Joel sighs.]  _ And I just kind of look at him for a few more  _ really fuckin' awkward seconds _ and I go “uh yeah sure, Dad. O-Okay.” and the conversation goes back to whatever the fuck it was before, but for the rest of the night he's just kinda giving me this like…  _ [Long pause.] _

JOEL: Uh… This look, like “Joel please just come out to me I'm your father you can trust me with the information that you're secretly gay.” And I don't know how to fuckin' tell him—  _ [Joel laughs.] — _ That I'm not,  _ [More laughter.] _ I'm not gay.

JOEL: It was just…  _ God. [Joel sighs.] _

JOEL: Anyway...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would imagine joel would regret telling this story on stream as soon as he finished telling it.  
dreamwidth: scotticus


	2. Vinnny's Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike and Vinny have an eventful evening after a Red Vox practice session.

VINNY: If you haven’t heard, my band has been working on finishing up another album, so I’ve been doing a lot of rehearsing with uh, you guys know Mike, Jabroni Mike. We’re in a band called Red Vox in case you didn’t know. But anyway, the other day I was hanging out with him after a little practice session, and we uh, we were talking about just weird...  _ [Long pause.] _

VINNY: Weird... sexual shit, because— Well. What else do you expect from Vinesauce? If— If this is your first time watching, we uh, we make a lot of dick jokes here on Vinesauce, a quality stream.  _ [Vinny laughs sarcastically.] _

VINNY: But anyway, so we're talking about just weird shit, and he goes: "Hey Vin... How much... Would I have to pay you... To suck a dick?" And I'm trying not to laugh because it’s so fucking dumb and out of  _ nowhere _ , so I say "Well who’s dick is it?" And he says "No no, you don't get to pick.”  _ [Vinny laughs.] _ “You don't get to choose which cock you're sucking. This— this is a game of chance, Vinny." 

VINNY: So I'm laughing and I decide... Like, yeah, I'll play along, so I say $1,000. And he goes "What, that's it?" And I'm trying to rationalize that most dicks aren't that disgusting, that most people’s dicks, aren't… Aren't going to be  _ complete  _ smeg-crusted...  _ Cesspools  _ of... Like...  _ Filth  _ and  _ decay _ . Because I’d like to think most people wash their cocks.  _ [Vinny pauses to read from chat.] _

VINNY: Yeah, yeah, Penis Inspection Day and all that.

VINNY: So he says, "Okay, what if it was someone you know?" and that could make it better or it could make it a hell of a lot worse, Because, is it someone I know that I like, or is it someone I know that I hate? Is it a family member? Because if you're asking me to suck the dick of a family member we're talking several million dollars here. So he goes "Okay, well, what if it was just narrowed down to people you would consider your friends?" and I start to think about that. See, that could easily ruin a friendship. I mean, I don't know from experience, but sucking your friends dick for money would probably make things a little awkward down the line. So I think over my list of friends, and I decide $750 is the least I’d take. He accepts this. 

VINNY: But then we start getting into the nitty-gritty shit. I ask him how much he’d need to suck a— A previous teacher of his's dick, and he asks me how much it would take for me to suck his friend's cousin's boyfriend's dick, you know, just random-ass people we both know, and then…  _ [Vinny laughs.] _ Then he goes "What about if you had to suck the dick of  _ everyone in Vinesauce who has a dick _ ." So I’m like "Hang on, is everyone all in one place, or do I have to pay for transportation? Is included in the money I get?" And Mike agrees that all of them, all the other streamers are in different rooms, and I just gotta go one by one going from room to room sucking their dicks. 

VINNY: So I say $4,500 dollars, because on one hand that's like, several dicks, but on the other hand, it’s all people that I know well enough that it wouldn't be awkward after because I know they're all cool. Plus it’s no one that I see in real life very often. And, uh, and then… Then he goes "what about JUST Joel"  _ [Vinny chuckles.] _ And I fuckin' laugh, because, I don't know if you guys know this, and forgive me, Joel, for telling everyone…

VINNY: _[Vinny laughs, making a noise similar to a spray bottle.] _Let’s… Let’s just say it’s _sizable._ _[Vinny laughs again.]_ So then I was laughing at the idea of a giant cock in my mouth and Joel screaming angrily like— like— _[Vinny attempts to impersonate Joel’s accent.] _ “OH YEAH S— SU…” God, I— I _cannot _say that in— in Joel’s voice. _[Vinny laughs.]_

VINNY: But anyway, so I'm just sitting there losing my mind thinking of this, and I tell Mike, and he starts laughing and goes "How do you know that? What, have you seen it before?" so I tell him to fuck off, and then he goes "Well describe to me how you would tell Joel that you need to suck his dick in order to get $1000.”

VINNY: And I will admit that I put legitimate thought into it at that moment. So I ask “am I going to Sweden, or is he coming here?" Mike says "Whichever you'd prefer." so I decide, alright, I'm gonna invite Joel over to my apartment. We're gonna kick back with a few beers, play some video games, and then I'm gonna hit him with a "What would you do for $200."

VINNY: and then I'll say, like, "Well, Mikes gonna give me a thousand dollars to suck your dick," and then he'll probably start laughing and not believe me, so I'll go "No, no, really, I'm going to give you $200 of these $1000 dollars to let me— Let me give you a blowjob." And then he'll argue with me on prices, which is why I started so low at $200, because then I can go higher, y'know, you always start low when you haggle— Anyway, uh, so I give him whatever and... and I described it to Mike as "I’ll tell him and then I'll suck his cock and then you give me the money." And, of course, that wasn't good enough for Mike, and he goes: "What, you're not gonna set the mood or anything? No foreplay?"  _ [Vinny chuckles.]  _ So I started laughing again, and I'm like "Is buying him a steak dinner included in the $1000 payment? No? What the fuck, I'm not taking him out on a date, this is a strictly business transaction." And Mike says "Come on, you wouldn't even kiss him first? You could at least make it enjoyable for yourself, too." And I tell him “Well obviously if its Joel I'm not gonna enjoy it in the first place, I mean, as beautiful as he is, he's a dude. And I mean, I'm straight. So a dick in my mouth and a stubbly chin isn't really gonna do much for me in the first place, I might as well just get it over with as soon as possible."  _ [Vinny pauses.] _

VINNY: ...Mike starts laughing, and he goes "Oh bullshit" and I, genuinely confused, say, y'know, "Bullshit what?" and he starts laughing even harder, and next thing you know, this... This motherfucker— Motherfucker Mike, I'll steal AVGN's joke for this one— Motherfucker Mike starts laughing and he fuckin' accuses me of—  _ [Vinny pauses again.] _ Well, to put it politely, he starts accusing me of having prior experience  _ performing fellatio on a man. _ so I laugh, and I'm like, “Ha ha, yes, you're very funny,” and he gets a little quiet… And, uh, and he goes "Wait, I thought you were kidding." So this asshole, this piece of shit, actually seriously— Mike— Mike thought I was gay. Yeah.  _ [Vinny sighs, laughing a few moments after.] _

VINNY: That’s not even the end of the story! So he's laughing at me, and I'm trying to explain to this asshole that I don’t like cock, and he wont believe me. So he goes "Here, Vin, give me your phone." So I do, because as much as Mike is an asshole, I trust him not to do anything completely awful; plus I'm right there so if he does try anything I can easily stop him. So, I give him my phone, he fucking  _ opens up the Discord app _ , right, and he scrolls through my contacts, and he finds Joel, and he calls him. And I'm like "Mike, Jesus—" and I'm laughing, like, "Mike, Jesus Christ, you can't just call someone without warning, what if he's busy right now?" And of course Joel picks up because why would I ever be right, and he says something stupid and Mike says something stupid, and I'm thinking, "Okay, why’d you call him?" as I watch Mike try to convince Joel to turn his webcam on.  _ [Vinny chuckles.]  _ And Mike turns the screen around to me, and he goes, "Vinny, tell me that's not attractive." And I look at the screen, and Joel's laughing in fuckin' confusion and he's got this stupid Metallica shirt on, and his hairs all over the place, and I'm suddenly hit with ‘what the fuck is wrong with Mike?’

VINNY: So I grab my phone from him, and I start, apologizing to Joel, and I'm about to hang up and he goes "No, wait, Vinny, tell me what you guys were talking about, it obviously involves me, I deserve to hear." So I’m like "Yeah okay fine whatever," and I make Mike explain it. And watching Joel's face change from... Confused amusement To... To... I don't even know how to describe... Like... Horr— Well, not  _ horrified _ , but, shocked... Confused...  _ Worry? _ Shocked worry. Nervous, almost. So I watch that happen, and I'm trying not to laugh, and Mike says, "Well, how much money would it take for  _ you  _ to suck  _ Vinny’s _ dick?" And Joel thinks for maybe two seconds before saying "Fifty—" and then he cuts himself off, and me and Mike are in hysterics, and he asks if he’s coming here or if I’m going there, and Mike is laughing too hard to answer, so I tell Joel that his transportation here is free if he does it, and Joel goes  _ [Vinny does a Joel impression] _ "Oh, well, in that case, I’d take like, fifteen bucks?"

VINNY: So I'm in this state of… Of... Weirded out... Comedic....  _ Something _ . and I start laughing again, and he gets all angry and he's yelling and trying to explain that sucking a dick would be well worth the price of getting to come see me in New York for free for however long, and me and Mike are just laughing so hard that he can't get a word in edgewise, and—  _ [Vinny laughs.] _ — And he just hangs the fuck up on us, and me and Mike are literally  _ crying  _ with laughter, I mean he's leaning on a— A sheet music stand trying not to collapse, and I'm standing there with my hand on my face thinking  _ “What the absolute fuck has my life come to?" _ and the second Mike calms down enough to talk, he just looks at me and says: "Vinny— Vinny, you guys are gay as shit."

VINNY: And, uh, that's the story of how Mike had to walk home last weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i believed joel when he said he had a big dick. i get the feeling it wasnt a lie.  
dreamwidth: scotticus


End file.
